things that go bump in the night

It's almost 5A. I write this blog from bed. A bed I share with a 3 year old.

Such has been my existence since returning from the hospital with our latest family addition, Miles. Harper and I share our king size bed in the master bedroom while Cheryl sleeps in the living room to immediately attend Miles' feedings and Cheryl's mother catches her winks in Harper's bed overseeing Miles. The whole scenario is even more dizzying reading it. The whole plan was devised by Cheryl and her mother. I don't really get it. All I know is that I am in control of Harper, who as mentioned in previous entries, is a Diva.

Tonight is sixth night sharing my bed. Each night is an adventure to say the least. Everyone knows I am a night owl. Unfortunately, the apple did not fall far from the tree. These past nights, Harper and I come back the room around 10P so that the others in the household can start winding down and getting rest. Going to bed at 10P is pretty much a beating for me. Seriously, my creative and fun juices don't start flowing until at least 11P. But that's neither here nor there; the problem is Harper is in full 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th wind mode by ten o'clock. Note: Putting her down has always been a battle. Now, however, it is a battle I take on. Tonight is the only night we did not watch Horton Hears a Who before finally turning off the TiVo and pretending to sleep---because we watched Babe instead. My inner clock is such a mess I actually fell asleep before the movie ended. Around 11P or something. Luckily, nothing was stuffed into my nose. Harper did hit me awake to alert the movie has ended. As our routine has come to be, I turned off the television, and then waited for the darkness of the room to lead us gently into that good night's slumber. Then, the real fun begins....

If you've slept with a toddler, the following events you understand:

1. Sleeping with a toddler is like sharing a sleeping bag with a live Bobcat that wants to escape and will kill you to do so. No matter the size of the bed, the toddler has full control and the territory of the bed is extremely limited. I have very little sleep these past nights. Despite what you may have heard, it is difficult to sleep with someone's foot in your face, or painfully other places. Don't quote me here, but I would not doubt if these sleeping conditions are the same used for training those wackos who jump in sleeping bags with rattlesnakes at the Rattlesnake Roundups throughout West Texas. Probably not - at least the rattlesnakes don't kick you in the boys.
2. Toddlers in bed tend to fight invisible enemies in their sleep. The number of punches received I've completely lost count. A ringside judge at a prize fight could not keep track of the punches landed during a single night's rest. Moments I rolled over to acquire a small piece of space on the mattress. At the same time, and as if knowing my strategy, she rolled over slapped my face and poked me in the eye. Now, I lay with one leg dangling on the side of the bed; while she is spread out like a jet plane in the middle of the bed. She wins.
3. There number of things in this bed magically accumulate by the hour. Tonight, she brought in a new blanket. Of course, no questioning because as a parent I do not want to argue before bed. Rule #49 of parenting advises keeping children calm and relaxed before bedtime in order to be successful. So, I don't argue. Now, this blanket takes up a little more space. Normally, a blanket wouldn't necessarily take up space in a bed, but when coupled with a plethora of other toddler bedtime necessities, the mattress becomes smaller and smaller. Over the six day period, we have amassed three additional stuffed animals, two additional pillows, four blankets, a couple dolls and of course Peter Pan, who Harper is never without. Meanwhile, I have my pillow. Barely.

It's now a little past 5A. I should end this before she realizes her last gyrations caused a small lose in mattress space, gaining my legs a small area to rest. Albeit, they will probably cramp from the positioning, but it's a small victory nonetheless. Besides, maybe I can manage a few Zzzzzzz's before her next limps flailing.

Good night.