(at least) 40 Things I've Learned in Forty Years

So.... I hit the the 4-0 this past weekend. Quite an accomplishment considering the wild and crazy lifestyle I lead. Over the years, I've learned many things about life, people and especially myself---yet sadly very little about those voices in my head. Minutes before midnight on 3/5, I grabbed my trusty MacBook Pro, Apollonia, and typed a list of things I've learned. To keep from contemplating into the wee hours of the morning, I allowed myself only 2 minutes.

Without further ado, here is what 40 years have done:

1

Never mess with animals in the wild. The wild will kick your ass. The wild lives in the wild for a reason. Leave the wild alone.

2

Don't be thankful just on Thanksgiving.

3

Kids can get out of boxes.

4

Anytime you think you're having a bad day, someone else is really having a bad day.

5

Stop trying the figure out how a movie will end. Relax and enjoy the ride. Same goes for outside the theater.

6

Don't sweat the big things; but really, really savor the little ones.

7

If there is a family reunion with black people, the food will be off the hook and you will probably get a shirt.

8

That 8th grade English teacher wasn't as mean and horrible as you initially thought. To this day, she still remembers the Cap'N Crunch cereal and Culture Club cassette you gave her on the last day of school.

9

When watching funny video shows, the likelihood of seeing a father get hit in the balls by a child swinging a bat is extremely high.

10

Regardless of political beliefs, religion, sex, occupation, status, the only important thing is not being an asshole and raising your kids not to be assholes either.

11

Listening to General Public "Tenderness" is like drinking a magic elixir of magic Kool-Aid and Skittles.

12

A great business venture would be the picket sign business. No matter what, there will always be a group of people bitching about something.

13

Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player ever. Period.

14

Never do anything that will make your mommy cry unless those are tears of joy.

15

Don't let out all your secrets. Keep some for yourself. An air of mystery is a great attribute to possess.

16

Everyone has 3 special things they can do better than anyone else. Mine are (1) bringing people together; (2) making grilled cheese sandwiches; and (3) faking fatigue anytime a supervisor asks "Busy day?"

17

Running through water sprinklers late at night never gets old.

18

Challenge yourself to make someone smile or feel good every day.

19

Don't rely on spinach to help kick someone's ass.

20

If you think you are better than someone else, you're really not.

21

Don't get cute with putting away the remote control or keys. Keep 'em in the same place dammit.

22

I still don't know how anyone can watch Leno.

23

If you make someone wet their pants from laughing, next try making them spit up their food.

24

Anytime you go to Chick-fil-a expect to wait in line - but it's worth it. There is crack in their food. Who cares? Not me.

25

Watching your favorite childhood or high school movie will slow the aging process by a 7 days.

26

Never impersonate a cop during Spring Break even if you have a badge and siren.

27

Answer the phone if your sibling calls. If you don't get along with them, suck it up. Family is family.

28

Apple products will change your life more than you will ever believe.

29

Go to Disneyland. Also, wear Mickey ears.

30

Mixtapes and hugs are two of the greatest things ever. Never underestimate the power of either. Same goes for Flintstone vitamins.

31

On years there is no 29th day of February, all black people are given a special bonus day to use anytime during the year.

32

Any meeting with your supervisor, assume it is to be terminated. Anything else is easy.

33

Get off your high and mighty throne and watch a cheesy horror movie on a late Saturday night at the theater. You will have more fun than you ever imagined.

34

Amazing, wonderful people will exit your life. Make sure they know how amazing and wonderful you think they are as much as possible.

35

Don't worry if someone sees you dancing in your car.

36

Make as many friends as possible in life. Some of your best friends will be people from high school, but you may not realize it until 20 years later. Make as many friends as possible in life. Someday you will regret not getting to know that weird guy from 8th grade Science class. Make as many friend as possible in life. You'll never know when you need a place to crash in Seattle or Boston.

37

If someone leaving a restroom jokes not to go inside, that person ain't joking. Don't go inside.

38

Watch cartoons anytime you can.

39

Some people apparently do not care what color car they drive.

40

Don't live because you have to; live because you want to.

Hopefully, I'll be around another 40. If not, it may be a result of not remembering #1.

Cheers!

Scorpio Holiday NYC 2009

I tried posting this last month, but it wouldn't.

So...we revisited NYC last month. It was nice getting back during the holiday season. I hadn't seen NYC during the holidays since living there when younger. We met friends and had a great time. This video contains images from our visit as we celebrated Scorpio Holiday.

Video contains only photos, over 1,000---no video clips.

Music by Telepopmusik "Breathe"

Start saving your pennies - Scorpio Holiday NYC 2010 goes down next November.

I love NY!

No recent blogs, yo

My apologies for the lack of blog entertainment over the past months. Life is crazy. How anyone can make it with three or more children is beyond my comprehension. Kudos to those bastards. However, I may have reached a milestone. I may have figured out this parenthood thing. I may have regained hours of life. With that said, I hope to blog more in the new year. Meanwhile, Harper and Miles are learning to cook their own meals and do laundry.

That's hows I roll.

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas EVERYONE!!

His name is Johnny.

So... Being an older brother of two sisters, aside from babysitting, one of my main tasks in life was tormenting. Well, let's not say 'tormenting'; instead, we shall call it 'firmly establishing fear within younger siblings when the parental units were not present'.

We would often play games, like school which one of my younger sisters would pretend to be the teacher figure, the other would play the role as a smart student and I would often be the new kid at school. Of course, my role was never that easy. Seriously, that's too easy. With my performance abilities and imagination, the role required something of Oscar quality. Therefore, my new student character would always have some mysterious background, initially appearing soft-spoken and pleasant until some small incident, like a broken pencil for instance, would push him mentally over the edge thus spiraling into a world of psychotic melodrama. Minutes later, my sisters would usually run into the bathroom, locking the door behind them, with the "new student" chasing behind a la Jack Nicholson in "The Shining". Yes, often frantically wielding an ax, knife or any other object seen in your everyday slasher-type movie. Needless to say, growing up with me was quite an adventure - but, really, would you expect anything less? I think not.

Weeks ago, my youngest sister, Tonya, came to visit. I had some idea, but up until this visit, I suppose, I never truly understood the haunting, lingering effects my actions left upon my siblings. In addition to the "New Kid in School" game, we played with another childhood fun toy: A ventriloquist doll I simply named Johnny. I cannot remember exactly why our mother brought this little doll home. Once he and I met, however, it became quite clear the two of us would have years and years of scary fun ahead. Mom picked up the doll at a garage sale one Saturday morning. He is the typical Charlie McCarthy ventriloquist doll, except, as the case with most items found at a garage sale, a bit "used" and in need of help. His clothes were damaged, probably not the authentic pieces; many of the original accessories were long gone; and, very eerily, he had a blackened, smoke damaged face, which made his follow-you-everywhere eyes highly unpleasing and terrifying to my sisters. Even more after the incident.

Perhaps it was the fire damage, or an after school special, which prompted this, but my sisters and cousin Marcia decided our ventriloquist doll had a smoking problem. Since playing make believe games with me led to crying, screaming and basically running for their lives, poor Johnny became the male character in their one act performances. In one particular game, Johnny was a kid who had a smoking problem. Honestly, I do not recall all the events, only the ending which forever changed the lives of Tonya, Stephanie and Marcia, so let's fast forward to the good part:

Due to Johnny's desire to smoke, he died. Not my idea, believe me; this was all the imagination of my sisters. To honor his life, they set up a funeral. Yes, they actually chose to play "Funeral". A very morbid game for little girls, but, hey, what else did they have going on in Big Spring. Looking back, due to the macabre nature of the game, I have no regrets. Honestly, they asked for it. While they changed into their funeral clothes and readied themselves for their little fun "Funeral" game, I sneaked onto the "set" and, let's say, enhanced the entertainment element of their little game.

Huddled in a sobering trio of tissues and flowers, the three of them slowed entered the funeral to say their last respects to Johnny, who again died of smoking. Together, they stood next to Johnny's coffin holding one another pretending to cry while recounting fond moments and memories. All reminiscing came to an abrupt end when their eyes popped out of their sockets upon suddenly noticing a paper cigarette in Johnny's mouth in the coffin. And then, it happened - the incident. Hiding behind furniture mere feet away, I had tied kite string to Johnny, underneath his clothing. With one tug, I instantly set in motion years of post traumatic stress, anguish and distress. The single tug of the kite string, attached to dead Johnny with his burnt face while holding a cigarette in his mouth made him spring to life, rolling out of his coffin towards my sisters who immediately (a) wet their panties before (b) sprinting into the bathroom locking the door behind their nightmarish cries. Since that day of the horrific resurrection, my sisters will not have anything to do with poor Johnny.

Over the years, Johnny has become a great friend. Obviously, when I left for college, Johnny was ordered to leave the house. Together, Johnny and I went through life, experiencing our own adventures, and meeting new people. Johnny even played a key role in a short horror film I submitted into a film competition years ago. Now, I cannot say life has been roses for Johnny. Unfortunately, there are still people who fear him as do my sisters. My dear friend who watches our house, Amber, for instance, once spotted Johnny in a closet, and later admitted frequently checking the area to make sure Johnny is still in his spot throughout her visit; my good friend, Mike, who quite frankly is a wuss, has called Johnny 'creepy' and 'eery' on several unnecessary occasions; and now my daughter, Harper, after seeing the reaction of her aunt Tonya this week will not go near Johnny. Sad. Sad.

We live in a world with people are different. In fact the differences are what make each and every one of us special and unique in our own way. I wish some people would set aside their ignorance, look into his follow-you-everywhere eyes and realize Johnny is special.

Johnny, I love you. Let's make this the best Halloween ever.

REDRUM.

ducktheflu.com

So... It's been awhile since my last post. Sorry. Life is a little crazy. I promise to get back into the blog swing very soon.

In the meantime, I wanted to post something special: Harper's first commercial. This is a PSA which will begin airing locally this week. It was shot a few days ago. Kudos to the crew for the super fast turnaround. I've mentioned that my Harper tends to be a DIVA. The idea of making her actually "behave" on camera worried me---incidentally, the same problem Paris Hilton's parents deal with, but on a completely different level. With a DIVA, you never know what to expect. We were delightfully surprised. She was wonderful. It took an hour to get comfortable around the lights, strange people and such, but we escaped without injury. She even got the biggest line. The director could not find a child who could say 'hand sanitizer' without babbling the words together until we all overheard Harper muttering the line while combing a Barbie doll's hair in the background. The line was passed down from a 6 year old to our little Harper. I must admit, it's all little bittersweet. I mean, I've done commercials for years and have yet to utter a line. Not even four, and she's already eclipsed my performances. Meanwhile, the other child remains unemployed.

Enjoy---and don't forget to duck the flu these upcoming months :)

Meanwhile, the other child remains unemployed.

I'm here.....

New blog post coming later............. I've been slacking. Darn, kids and family matters :)