So.... I hit the the 4-0 this past weekend. Quite an accomplishment considering the wild and crazy lifestyle I lead. Over the years, I've learned many things about life, people and especially myself---yet sadly very little about those voices in my head. Minutes before midnight on 3/5, I grabbed my trusty MacBook Pro, Apollonia, and typed a list of things I've learned. To keep from contemplating into the wee hours of the morning, I allowed myself only 2 minutes.
Without further ado, here is what 40 years have done:
1
Never mess with animals in the wild. The wild will kick your ass. The wild lives in the wild for a reason. Leave the wild alone.
2
Don't be thankful just on Thanksgiving.
3
Kids can get out of boxes.
4
Anytime you think you're having a bad day, someone else is really having a bad day.
5
Stop trying the figure out how a movie will end. Relax and enjoy the ride. Same goes for outside the theater.
6
Don't sweat the big things; but really, really savor the little ones.
7
If there is a family reunion with black people, the food will be off the hook and you will probably get a shirt.
8
That 8th grade English teacher wasn't as mean and horrible as you initially thought. To this day, she still remembers the Cap'N Crunch cereal and Culture Club cassette you gave her on the last day of school.
9
When watching funny video shows, the likelihood of seeing a father get hit in the balls by a child swinging a bat is extremely high.
10
Regardless of political beliefs, religion, sex, occupation, status, the only important thing is not being an asshole and raising your kids not to be assholes either.
11
Listening to General Public "Tenderness" is like drinking a magic elixir of magic Kool-Aid and Skittles.
12
A great business venture would be the picket sign business. No matter what, there will always be a group of people bitching about something.
13
Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player ever. Period.
14
Never do anything that will make your mommy cry unless those are tears of joy.
15
Don't let out all your secrets. Keep some for yourself. An air of mystery is a great attribute to possess.
16
Everyone has 3 special things they can do better than anyone else. Mine are (1) bringing people together; (2) making grilled cheese sandwiches; and (3) faking fatigue anytime a supervisor asks "Busy day?"
17
Running through water sprinklers late at night never gets old.
18
Challenge yourself to make someone smile or feel good every day.
19
Don't rely on spinach to help kick someone's ass.
20
If you think you are better than someone else, you're really not.
21
Don't get cute with putting away the remote control or keys. Keep 'em in the same place dammit.
22
I still don't know how anyone can watch Leno.
23
If you make someone wet their pants from laughing, next try making them spit up their food.
24
Anytime you go to Chick-fil-a expect to wait in line - but it's worth it. There is crack in their food. Who cares? Not me.
25
Watching your favorite childhood or high school movie will slow the aging process by a 7 days.
26
Never impersonate a cop during Spring Break even if you have a badge and siren.
27
Answer the phone if your sibling calls. If you don't get along with them, suck it up. Family is family.
28
Apple products will change your life more than you will ever believe.
29
Go to Disneyland. Also, wear Mickey ears.
30
Mixtapes and hugs are two of the greatest things ever. Never underestimate the power of either. Same goes for Flintstone vitamins.
31
On years there is no 29th day of February, all black people are given a special bonus day to use anytime during the year.
32
Any meeting with your supervisor, assume it is to be terminated. Anything else is easy.
33
Get off your high and mighty throne and watch a cheesy horror movie on a late Saturday night at the theater. You will have more fun than you ever imagined.
34
Amazing, wonderful people will exit your life. Make sure they know how amazing and wonderful you think they are as much as possible.
35
Don't worry if someone sees you dancing in your car.
36
Make as many friends as possible in life. Some of your best friends will be people from high school, but you may not realize it until 20 years later. Make as many friends as possible in life. Someday you will regret not getting to know that weird guy from 8th grade Science class. Make as many friend as possible in life. You'll never know when you need a place to crash in Seattle or Boston.
37
If someone leaving a restroom jokes not to go inside, that person ain't joking. Don't go inside.
38
Watch cartoons anytime you can.
39
Some people apparently do not care what color car they drive.
40
Don't live because you have to; live because you want to.
Hopefully, I'll be around another 40. If not, it may be a result of not remembering #1.
Cheers!
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