Do Not Attempt

While watching television last night, an advertisement for Subway came on the air.  In the commercial, marketing Subway's new five dollar sandwich deals, a woman eats a five dollar bill.  Underneath the woman are the words 'Dramatization - Do Not Attempt' appear.  What the f, people - do we really need this helpful suggestion?  "Hey - a friendly reminder: Money is for buying things, not eating [smile]."  Where have we come as a people that we need "reminders" that consuming money is a big no-no?  

Obviously, the Subway Corporation is protecting itself because we all know some jackass in America will pull a five dollar bill out of his shoe, pop it in his mouth like Tic Tac, and choke resulting in anything from throat pain to embarrassment to death.  The next thing you know we're reading about the "Subway Case" in the local paper, and how some jackass was awarded $25 million by a court of even more jackasses who themselves wrestle with the thoughts of eating cash money.  The rest of us with common sense will scratch our heads, thinking - "Why did this happen?"  Oh yeah because the words 'Do Not Attempt' were absent in that Subway advertisement during the summer of $5 gasoline.  Ridiculous.  

Remember long ago when a commercial would show a kid on a big wheel jumping dirt mounds? In other scenes, the kids would race each other and skid through the dirt causing clouds of dirt to fill the television screen and possibly blinding the child actors starring in the commercial.  Man, if only we knew what we know today.  I'd be rich, bitch!

NOTE: If you watch a commercial and need the 'Do Not Attempt' hint, you are a jackass.